Sometimes you get home from a long day at the office and all you want to do is to unwind. But then, when you get to the bedroom, you realise that your spouse hasn’t made the bed! From all the dirty laundry lying around, it is clear that he or she hasn’t done their chores (and it was their turn!). Moreover, the food isn’t ready and your partner just couldn’t be bothered. He or she just sits in front of the TV and kind of ignore your presence. Being kind and selfless, you wait until you are both in bed before confronting your other half about it. Unfortunately, that is where you go wrong. You see, the bedroom is not supposed to be the place where you have harsh discussions. In fact, your bedroom should be a place of peace and not of conflict!
If you know what we are talking about, and we are quite sure that the couples among you do, keep reading to see…
what discussions to avoid in the bedroom and why you should make your bedroom a conflict-free safe zone.
A 2012 study by the National Sleep Foundation found that a third of the American population suffers from sleep deprivation. By now that percentage has probably increased because of more demanding work hours and rising urban populations. Now you may be wondering what this has to do with discussions in the bedroom. So let us tell you. Talking about negative matters or arguing in the bedroom can cause sleeplessness. Who would have ever thought that you have to think about what you say in your place of rest? Crazy, huh?
Yet these are the facts. We are not just making it up either, the Global Council on Brain Health advised in a recent report that people should avoid arguing before bed, in order to make it easier to fall asleep. Let’s be honest, all of us have been in an argument before bed, right? Have you noticed how difficult it is to fall asleep afterwards? Even if the argument has been resolved, it is sometimes still difficult to go to dreamland. To be fair, arguments aren’t the only types of discussions that can keep us tossing and turning at night. There is a myriad of other topics to be avoided in your room.
Below we discuss some of the topics to avoid while in bed, or while you are getting ready for bed.
1. Your fear of not being able to fall asleep
Isn’t that a funny thing not to talk about in bed? Surely, something that is so closely related to the bedroom should be open for discussion when you are in bed? Are there any good reasons not to talk about your fear of lying awake, while you are lying in bed? The simple answer is yes, and here is why: Sleep specialists across the globe agree that the bedroom should be a place of rest and relaxation. It should be a safe haven, where you can go to find peace and quiet. That is why you should not associate negative thoughts, like being unable to fall asleep, with the bedroom. If you lie in bed and you are afraid that you won’t fall asleep, you enforce the connection that your brain has with sleeplessness and the bed.
Sleep psychiatrists suggest that people who struggle to fall asleep should read, or do similar relaxing activities in another room, and once they get sleepy they should go straight to bed. Using this method, you may overcome the association between your fear of lying awake and your bed. So when you are in bed and you can’t sleep, rather tell your partner that you are going to go read in the living room, instead of saying that you can’t sleep.
Yet another one of those topics that pop up everywhere. Work is such an integral part of life that it is quite difficult to not talk about it. So talk about it, by all means! Just not in your bedroom. Once again, having discussions about work in your bedroom creates a connotation between the bed and work. You don’t want that! Why not? Simply because work is more often than not related to stress, and we’ve already told you that you should keep the bedroom stress free at all costs!
If you want to talk about work, why not tell your partner that you need to discuss work-related matters with him or her and schedule an appointment to do so. You don’t have to go out or do anything fancy. Just sit down after dinner, or at dinner for that matter, and talk work-related matters through. Doing this will leave you feeling more relaxed and ready to catch some well deserved zzz’s.
When is it ever a good time to talk about finances? Can’t we all act like ostriches, put our heads in the sand and act as if the word money doesn’t exist? Unfortunately not! Having regular discussions about your financial status and plans is a healthy habit to cultivate. (Except when you are in bed, of course). More often than not, talking about how to spend your money leads to an argument, which is exactly what you should avoid when you are in your bedroom. Remember, we don’t want to create negative connections between negative things and our place of rest!
4. Household chores
Come to think about it, we should have made this the number one topic to avoid in the bedroom! Distributing household chores evenly among the inhabitants of the house is fair and just. The house has to be cleaned on a regular basis, the dishes won’t wash themselves and the lawn needs to be mowed. We know all of this, but it is still an unpleasant topic to talk about. Especially when one of you omitted to do their chores in the recent past. Reprimanding your spouse because he forgot to take out the trash right before bedtime might not be the best move. More often than not, this kind of talk will put him in a sour mood and deprive him of the sleep he so desperately needs in order to remember all of his chores!
5. Whether or not the pets should sleep in the bedroom
One of you will always lose this argument, and talking from experience, it is usually the one that argues for making the dog sleep outside. Sometimes telling the spouse that the dog needs to go ends up in you going instead of the dog…
What other discussions can you think of that doesn’t belong in the bedroom? Let us know in the comments section below!